Lost Live Blog (better late than never) – The Incident

So I watched the finale of Lost last week and got caught up in life stuff and didn’t blog about it. I also missed a few episodes in between. Oops. Anyway, here is my last Lost post for this season.

***** HERE BE SPOILERS ***** after the jump.

Lost Live Blog – "The Variable"

Or: “How I learned to stop worrying and love bullshit changes in continuity.”

HERE BE SPOILERS, YAR! (I say why wait for talk like a pirate day?)

Lost Live Blog: Whatever Happened, Happened

Ok by the title I think we’ve already cleared up some of the suspense from last week. Let’s see where they take this…. SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS!!!!

Lost Live Blog: He's Our You

Let’s get it on. SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

1:40 WHAT A GREAT CHESS GAME!! YES, LET’S PLAY ANOTHER!!

2:45 Haha. You losers thought the kid who didn’t want to kill the chicken was Sayid didn’t you?

3:10 Oooooh, the kid who did kill the chicken was Sayid! :) Geez, show, catch up.

4:20 He already knew Richard, eh? Well perhaps I can’t blame Sayid for the downfall of Dharma society after all…

4:45 Young Ben is like Dakota Fanning evil…

7:05 You know how you know it’s the past (well, technically the future)? He has different hair. Beard and brushed out curls = “past”/future. No beard and curly curls = now.

7:50 How exactly did random foreign dude pose a threat to any of the Oceanic people? Or anyone else Sayid killed (just because Ben told him to, by the way – !???) for that matter?

8:55 “Put out your hands”, I ask menacingly for no reason just so that you can assume I’m going to torture you even though I’m just going to cut your bindings.

9:05 Sigh, it’s a burden being this good. Or it’s a shame Lost is so predictable.

10:55 “The next level” is really loud Celine Dion…or would be if she had released any albums in 1977. Stupid anachronistic joke…make me look dumb…grumble grumble…

11:10 Either this guy is a bad actor and doesn’t mean to sound this way, or he knows more than he’s saying to test “LaFleur” seeing as how he came to the camp under equally odd circumstances.

11:50 “A [wicked creepy] 12 year old Ben Linus just brought me a chicken salad sandwich. How do you think I’m doing?” LAWLS!

12:50 Wow Sawyer, could you have done a worse job of explaining the situation and why Sayid should cooperate? Now he’s going to go all apeshit stupid. “Then I guess I’m on my own.” Told you! Sayid, what is your fucking problem? Ever hear of a phrase that goes “benefit of the doubt”? WHY ARE YOU THERE?

13:40″And you’re going to?!” SO it’s not just me that’s surprised by Jack obeying Sawyer then…

14:30 So is Kate sort of upset because Sawyer is with Juliet or because she’s socially inept and didn’t pick that up?

15:10 Ben’s an abused child. That’s why he’s evil. All abused children turn evil, doncha know, and/or all evil people have an excuse for being that way.

17:10 WHYYYYYYY does anyone listen to Ben EVER? I will never understand this.

20:20 Is this supposed to be some weird self-inflicted punishment as a form of retribution for the people he’s killed? Or do I think too much?

20:50 Sawyer really should have done a better job at convincing him to go with the story. What if he snitched on all of them? What is the point of any of this?

27:10 If that guy is going to be annoying, and he is routinely annoying, WHY DID YOU BRING HIM?

30:55 “Let’s kill him!” If these people were ever stuck in the Andes, they would resort to cannibalism in about 5 minutes.

31:40 WHAAAAAT? You tried once not very hard to convince Sayid to join you without explaining why and he didn’t want to so now you’re voting kill him just not to get found out so you can try to help him escape later and somehow get caught for it? Good plan.

32:40 Imagine that, Miss Femme Fatale was really a femme fatale.

33:00 Oh that’s why he “happened” to be going to Guam.

34:20 If this was all just one big plot contrivance just to kill off Sayid, I’m going to be pissed.

36:40 “Everyone get to building 15 now!” Don’t you see?! It’s a decoy! Ben did it!

37:35 “Yes, Ben, I will. That’s why I’m here.” Did Ben hypnotize him the way TV hypnotism works? I can’t tell because Sayid’s got that crazy look in his eye. That “I’m calm on the outside but…” look. PS: I told you Ben did it.

40:30 Of course it’s Jin, because if it was anyone else Sayid would be shot so the plot requires that it be Jin who hasn’t been in the episode at all other than to serve this purpose.

42:00 Well, either it’s not that Ben like we thought or he isn’t dead because it’s already been explained to us about a bajillion times that only things that happened can happen. OR Sayid is magically exempt from the laws of time travel and Ben will poof out of existence thereby pissing off any fan of the show with a science degree.

While part of me wants to go “oh cool, the Losties were secretly in on everything”, another part of me is going “what a bunch of lazy retcon bastards”. How convenient that the Losties are linked to every important event on the island. That doesn’t answer any questions of why things happens, it just fills in extra coincidences for how things happened. I want answers. If the show ends and I get none, I declare Lost an epic fail.

Lost live blog: Namaste

Sorry I missed the last one, I was on vacation. Onward. And as usual, SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS (don’t say you weren’t warned).

5:20 How did a handful of people get sucked back in time and not the rest? Why only some of the Oceanic 6 and not the rest? I could see the whole 6, like if they all had weird island particles on them or something, but how did the island choose just a few of them?

7:35 Hurley once again says what we’re all thinking “uh, what?”

8:12 Apparently no more time dilation…

12:32 Poor Jin…hears his wife’s back but she’s stuck 30 years from then. How come only Jack, Kate, and Hurley got the blast to the past? Or a blast to 1977 anyway.

13:32 Poor Sun…hears her husband is alive and she’s stuck with Ben.

15:02 This loud Hispanic stereotype is either the annoying character fodder to create needless conflict, or he has an agenda.

16:02 So Jack, Kate, and Hurley got pushed through time and space. They woke up on the correct island did they not?

17:15 Ok Ethan’s a pretty common name there, Juliet. Oh who am I kidding? It’s Lost. It’s totally that Ethan.

19:00 Finally. Jack didn’t pull any of his macho shit and just listened to Sawyer for a change. He should do drugs and then quit for like 8 hours more often. It’s mellowed him out.

19:50 Jin. Seriously. Chill. You’re going to kill someone or be annoying and fuck up the plan.

20:25 Oh, so Sayid makes it to the past too. What do they all have in common that Sun doesn’t? Maybe it’s cause she’s not pregnant like she was when she first came to the island, so it didn’t “recognize” her. Or maybe I think too much.

20:45 Sayid looks genuinely alarmed there, but he was in the military so he should totally get why Jin changed his tune when the other dude showed up.

24:16 It annoys me when because “swearing is evil” people in shows have to skirt around obvious reactions like “It’s Sayid.” “Sayid? Shit!” Why is “son of a bitch” acceptable, and “shit” is banned? Lame.

24:17 So maybe that guy’s instruments didn’t detect the crash because they are dumb and only monitor that one island and not the other one too. So maybe they are all 30 years ago. That would make waaaay more sense. Except the other 4 being coincidentally “sucked” from the plane – it’s like how much more sense could that make? And the answer is none. None more sense. (See what I did there?)

29:06 For a second there I thought Juliet did something evil…I guess that’s what I was supposed to think. Gah! I hate when they suck me in. By the way, what’s with the creepy guy from Mulholland Drive?

30:30 Man, this guy is like a human version of Worf. “What’s that?” “I dunno. Let’s shoot it!”

32:56 Probably just an animal?! Sun, are you frigging kidding me? WHERE ARE YOU? “Oh right, it’s probably the smoke monster or someone acting crazy and wielding a gun.”

33:56 Whaaaaat? Ok was that the Dharma camp that was in ruins or somewhere else? When/where the hell are they?

34:49 Ok so they aren’t in 1977. I was right the first time.

36:23 So you know Sayid is like “whaaaat the fuuuuuck?”

40:23 “We’re not supposed to know each other….but I’ll totally hug you in my illuminated doorway for all to see, anyway.”

41:08 Ok a bunch of Oceanic people showed up and I’m so good at acting natural that I’m going to go home and read a book. Riiight. And I’m not going to keep an eye on Sayid at all even though the Dharma people think he’s a hostile. Fail.

42:13 Bahahahaha. Looks like Jack was as perplexed about Sawyer’s ambivalence as I was. Personally I think he got a little too comfortable there with his relatively normal job and relatively normal life. Ooooooh, he’s thinking. So, how many years before Ben kills everyone?

43:03 Wow. Jack is soooo not interested in arguing with Sawyer, but Sawyer seems to feel the need to push Jack’s buttons.

43:36 Random Dharma Employee “How come LaFleur and Juliet keep casting knowing glances at 3 of the new people?”

43:38 Oh look it’s child Ben. Looks like it’ll be a few years yet.

44:23 Check out those glasses. Totally Ben.

44:53 “I’m Ben”…well duh. Please tell me Sayid isn’t accidentally responsible for endearing Ben to the “hostiles” and killing everyone. And even though Ben is also a common name, because we’re watching Lost, yes it’s that Ben.

A-

I was entertained this week. I feel like we’re actually getting close to knowing something, although I’m still frustrated as hell the way they keep slowly dicking us around. Can you imagine if they were still on full seasons? Man alive.

Previously on Lost… SPOILERS

Actually it’s last night on Lost when normal people watch it. Time for another Lost liveblog. Yay! SPOILERS AHEAD

Last time I watched it online and converted the timestamps from clips format to total show format – well this week I’m sick and that’s too much of a pain in the ass.

Clip 1 (4:12 minutes)

1:55 – This random break and enter guy better peruse his way into something interesting fast. “Or maybe it’s in THIS file cabinet…”

2:01 – Amazingly, it was in that very file cabinet. The first file he pulled out. Burglar 1, realism 0.

2:07 – ZOMG! Random fucked up drawings!!

3:48 – So now Locke isn’t Jesus, he’s The Emperor. Or Luke from RotJ…

Clip 2 (12:45 minutes)

0:57 – The pilot and “some woman” took a boat without telling anyone – 5 bucks says it’s “Can I Come” Kate and the only “anyone” they didn’t tell was the tertiaries.

2:08 – What the fuck? John is walking undead or he is alive again? Stop dicking us around and tell us what the smoke monster is already.

2:14 – Yes, we remember – it was last week.

2:59 – Yes, open fractures are gross. Thanks for showing it to us a bunch of times so we can realize the severity of his injury. Cause John’s such a wimp, that only visual confirmation as to the cause of his moaning will sate our belligerent taunting.

3:30 – Is John going to get abducted by terrorists?

4:04 – Oh look! Stereotypical terrorists! Abducting John!

4:45 – Or they are just really passionate about bringing people to the hospital, and yet not passionate enough to give a crap about his injury as they toss him into the back of a pick-up.

5:07 – Hey it’s creepy guy from some other episode!

5:43 – Yeah, I’d pass out too. Cause that was messed up. You don’t just snap a compound fracture back in. Sigh…TV.

6:16 – Hey it’s Whitfuck.

8:00 – Wait, wait, wait. Governed the island peacefully? Oh right, that was AFTER they killed all of the Dharma people. My mistake.

9:00 – I can’t help but think the word “war” is really just overdramatic hyperbole…but I’m willing to find out in case there are LOTR-quality battle scenes with thousands of CGI “others”, smoke monsters, and armored polar bears.

9:11 – The “wrong” side according to what standard? So far they all suck and I have no idea why anyone is so invested in any of this other than the plot requires it.

9:43 – “Press 2-3.” 23 is one of THE numbers! Gasp!

10:11 – Best question ever: “How do I know you’re not the one who’s lying?”

10:12 – Worst answer ever: “Because I haven’t tried to kill you.” Um, genius, that just means you need him for something.

10:50 – Remember when Jack was the main character? Good times.

11:42 – I’m a big man, I don’t need crutches. I look much manlier hopping around on one foot.

11:56 – Oh noes! The dreaded wheelchair! For no fucking reason because he still has 2 working arms, 1 working leg, and is mentally competent enough to use crutches. Oh right – plot: “Remember that time Locke was confined to a wheelchair? He really hated that.”

12:09 – “Anything you need Mr. Locke, you just let me know. ANYTHING.” “Give me a blow job.” “Ok maybe not anything…”

Clip 3 (5:20 minutes)

1:48 – “She was murdered.” And Whitmore will do anything to get you back to the island…then again, so will Ben apparently. Why do they want the same thing? Anyway, one of them was responsible for that.

3:25 – Oh yeah, if they all have to go back, how does Walt and Michael fit into this? Michael died before getting back. And what, was Walt the frigging luggage man on the plan or something?

3:40 – NOT the voice I was expecting to come out of that kid.

Clip 4 (8:29 minutes)

0:55 – How unfortunate that Hugo’s psychosis happens to be seeing dead people.

1:29 – Ok another health care interlude because this is something else about TV that pisses me off: People in mental hospitals don’t putter around all day in their housecoats regardless of social conventions and appropriateness.

1:58 – Hurley’s got the right idea: why are all of you morons trusting everyone? Don’t trust anyone.

3:32 – For some reason the song “Montage” from South Park is stuck in my head. Weird. The lengthy visiting people montaaaage – MONTAGE!

5:11 – “Look how far you’ve come.” BURN!

6:05 – Bahahahahaha! “What happened to her?” Now taking bets. Hit by a marshmallow truck, blew up on re-entry, or mauled in a tragic blender accident.

6:11 – Aneurysm! So close.

6:57 – More of this determinist “destiny” bullshit. No free will for anyone! Although since time travel is possible in the Lost universe, determinism is a necessary consequence to the “anything that happened, happened” rule because any point in time is “the past” to future events from which people can travel. See? I can say smart things.

7:39 – Ben just shot the creepy guy! Or hired someone…

7:45 – He is shooting him a lot.

8:01 – And after all this Locke dies of… Taking bets: food poisoning, allergic reaction to a bee sting, or choking secondary to spontaneous dental hydroplosion. Oh right, they already sad he hanged himself…spoil my fun.

Clip 5 (11:23 minutes)

1:45 – Harsh, Jack, yet hilarious.

4:50 – Ok, if you’re going to hang yourself the one thing you don’t want to skimp on is the knot. Look at that thing.

5:42 – How did Ben find him?

5:45 – “How did you find me?”

6:08 – That tears it! He’s using a wheelchair yet he’s able to weight-bear on a COMPOUND FRACTURE?! [shakes fist of health knowledge]

6:14 – “You shot him.” Uh yeah, I was there 10 minutes ago.

7:24 – Hmmmm, apparently attempting suicide actually causes depression and loss of self-esteem and not the other way around…

9:23 – “Jin is alive?” John, you stupid shithead. “I’m not lying, he’s lying!” “Oh ok! Let me tell you everything I know about everything.”

10:20 – Turning your back on Ben, eh? Telling him even more information, eh? Ok, to each his own I guess…

10:40 – I got the information that I wanted and now I’m going to strangle you. IMAGINE! Remember that time I said “I haven’t tried to kill you” wasn’t convincing if the person needs him for something? What usually happens after someone kept alive for a purpose becomes useless? Toldja so, bitches!

11:10 – They always let go right after the person stops struggling. For once I want the victim to sputter back to life while the assailant is out of breath.

Clip 6 (4:44 minutes)

0:26 – Police: “Wow he killed himself in a really clean room with a really clean cord. I guess he killed himself because of his OCD.”

3:45 – Well at least one of the hurt people is important…music tells me I’m correct…and it’s…Ben? Is Sawyer going to have to kill him for Locke, too?

A-

Better than last week, but my potentially faulty memory tells me that John shows are usually filled with the most information. See you next week.

Lost liveblog – episode 506 – SPOILERS

So I didn’t watch Lost last night, so this isn’t exactly “live” but I’m posting this as I’m watching it online now. So times will be as per the time index of the show in minutes and not the time of day I watched it (like my last post). Note that I watched without commercials.

Seriously though – SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS from the very first line. DO NOT CONTINUE BEYOND THIS POINT IF YOU DON’T WANT DETAILS.

______________________________________

4:48 – Ok so they purposely showed Kate and Hurley on the island with Jack to let us know that they do get back somehow. At first I thought this was a flashback, but I guess maybe they shot it that way on purpose.

5:30 – Hmmm…an array of numbers with cardinal directions on them. Weren’t the numbers a set of 6? [Quick Google search] Aha: 4 8 15 16 23 42. The numbers needed for coordinates in 3 dimensions… I dunno if that’s relevant.

6:24 – WHY do any of them ask Ben questions EVER? “Did you know about this?” “No.” And what information have we learned. He is either lying or telling a truth we can’t trust anyway.

9:59 – Ok so now we’re up to ignoring everything Ben, Mr. Whitmore, and Mrs. Hawking say. Quite a list we’ve got on the go here, none of it helpful to thw viewer trying to figure this out – and likely intentionally misleading.

10:06 – And Desmond quits the island for the, what are we up to? 52nd time.

11:17 – “You need to recreate…the circumstances that brought you [to the island] in the first place.” WHY though? Because the plot requires it…uh oh, starting to get bored.

13:01 – And the Jesusification of Locke is complete in 3…2…

13:50 – Ok I don’t get this “recreate the cicumstances” thing one little bit. What difference would it make? EXPLAIN. I’m getting sick of this cryptic bullshit. “Stop thinking how ridiculous this is” – bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha – That was the writers telling me to shut the fuck.

14:27 – More “faith” BS…I don’t like where this is going one little bit.

15:47 – And Christian religious quotes? After the meeting in a church? Um…

18:06 – Who the fuck is Ray?

18:56 – Oh.

21:12 – Why do people never turn on lights to investigate strange noises in their homes?

22:11 – You know what I hate most about this show sometimes? When someone says “nevermind” and/or “don’t ask questions” rather than just answering the question.

24:52 – I get a sick satisfaction upon seeing Ben’s battered face and hearing his quivering voice.

25:52 – Ok, she’s creepy…

26:07 – Ok something is going to go squirrely here, because it’s Lost. So guessing now that the girl is up to something (then agin she’s Ben’s friend so maybe she’s just weird). Hmmm, was Kate involved in what happened to Ben?

28:18 – ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? NEVER not read a note given to you by some guy with magic powers that was stuck with you on some weird island that had it’s own smoke monster. If you are ever in this situation, you READ THE LETTER. Someone’s finding that later and Jack will be all “aaaawwww, why didn’t I read that?”

28:56 – Who’s this guy with the amazing hearing?

30:12 – Looks like Sayid was “randomly selected” for screening. Bahaha, I slay me.

31:01 – Aw. I love Hurley. Though I worry about his cholesterol…

31:56 – Ah yes. Recreate the conditions. How lucky for us that Sayid was doing illegal things to get arrested and escorted on the very plane needed to replicate Kate’s initial situation from the crash. But again. WHY?

32:16 – Ok Kate made a very valid point earlier about sensible island shoes. So why are they all still wearing very not-island-sensible clothes on the plane now? Jack is in a suit again. The conditions have to be down to clothes? If so, kate isn’t wearing the right thing anyway. Sigh. Stupid cryptic nonsense rules. And Ben wasn’t on that plane. He’s an other. Does that throw things off?

33:20 – Bahahaha, the letter. I knew that would turn up. This time you better read it.

33:46 – Exactly what I was thinking, you selfish bastards. Will they get stuck in time and become others? Haha. Too far. Although, I’m watching Lost…

34:30 – No really, why is a prisoner being escorted to Guam?

38:04 – Apparently one incident now constitutes a pattern – in Jack’s twisted little mind, anyway.

39:23 – “I wish you had believed in me.” You miserable bastard.

39:47 – Imagine that. Amazing hearing guy is on the very same plane. Extras don’t get lines for nothing. Red shirt or new character? PS, where’s Desmond?

I hope my times weren’t too off. I was watching clips so I had to extrapolate.

Ok so they get back and what did we find out? Still nothing. I still don’t know who the Dharma Initiative really is. I still don’t know what the smoke monster is. Where the hell is Claire? Why is Jack’s dad talking to people? Etc Etc.

C+

It really sounds like I hate this show……….maybe this was just a bad episode, because usually I like it. Although I haven’t been particularly impressed all season.