Patient: Um, what are you guys talking about? Don’t you care about my extremely unique situation?
Doctor: We were unprofessionally having a private conversation about our personal lives in front of a patient. Please stop eavesdropping.
Patient: Ok well I have feelings about my disease/injury/surgery that ironically reflect the situation that you’re dealing with in your personal life, so can I soliloquize for 5 minutes like I have my own writer while you have a personal revelation about your own situation? I think it might help.
Doctor: Sure, just wait one minute for my partner here to say something that galls me so much that I am too utterly speechless to immediately respond so that I can listen to you and think about it until I ambush them later with my own emotionally-laden soliloquy.
Patient: Ok well we might want to do this soon, because depending on if this episode (of our lives) is going for a “depressing” or “uplifting” feel, I may die in the OR or miraculously survive, respectively. I don’t like my chances, since you are both the doctor that ironically sees something of yourself in my situation and is my surgeon – that tragedy just writes itself.
Doctor: Well I did have myself scheduled to fight over who gets to do this other surgery and then get yelled at for being insensitive, but I guess I can push that to lunch. Then I’ll still have time for inappropriate make-up sex in the on-call room before my shift ends. Alright, let’s do this.
Doctor: [Beeper goes off.] Well glad we had that talk, but it’s time for my story to intersect with that of another doctor in a way that’s completely separate yet eerily parallel, so a general theme can be commented upon when this is all over.