2 stupid products, 1 decent product

Moving is the worst thing ever. We should all just buy new stuff. Speaking of buying stuff, it’s time to showcase a few stupid products that the internets brought to my attention. See what I did there?

The Kush
Ever go to bed and think “my boobs need more support”? I do ALL THE TIME. Luckily there’s a 55$ piece of plastic that I can cram between my jugs to provide the support that a 10$ body pillow can’t provide for some reason. But I have to admire any product that has an ad campaign legitimately based on “look how great these breast are now!” However, they should be criticized for the obvious caveat that nobody will notice the actual product given the high distraction from the sweet sweet ***MOTORBOAT*** PPPBBBBLLLLLTTTTTT!

Prediction for next year: Now it comes with vibrating massage! For extra…um…comfort. Yes, that’ll do. Your phallic “breast pillow” now vibrates. Right.

Ergonomic Backpack Vacuum
As the clever name suggests, this is a 170$ vacuum that you wear on your back. It’s also a 170$ sunk cost after your kids break it playing Ghostbusters. Notice the “ergonomic” design of a GIANT YELLOW BOX hanging loosely off your shoulders to “ergonomically” strain your lower back! No wait, I’m pretty sure that’s not how that works.

In fact “hang something off your back” is generally not what “ergonomic” means. In fact, vacuums that have wheels and handles for pulling that don’t require bending over (read: reduce back strain) are already “ergonomic” and you don’t even have to have the weight of a small child on you while you clean the top of your curtains. So…why was this invented, again?

Go Plates
These are bloody brilliant. It is a plate that fits over your beverage (canned, bottled, and in a cup) for easy carrying. Now when you are at a get-together, standing around chatting with beer in hand and food in the other, you don’t have to make the horrible choice — which one do I set down? Truly this will change the world. I’m serious. Buy 42 of these.

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One response to “2 stupid products, 1 decent product

  1. Oh my goodness. And the Kush comes in “nude, mocha, and ebony.” you know, to look even more phallic!