The end is nigh

They could have given a show to anyone. ANYONE. All they have to do is interview people and talk about daily events and whatever. Anyone with half a brain is decent to watch doing this in the middle of the day. Unfortunately, Oprah went in another direction by hiring the ultimate burninating stupid of…

Jenny McCarthy. [Note how glaringly misleading the press notice is.]

1) Are you even surprised, really?

2) Are. You. Fucking. KIDDING ME!?!?!?

Before I completely blow my shit, a list of more appropriate choices than Jenny McCarthy:

A) A monkey. Not even a trained monkey. Just a regular, cute monkey being all cute yet mature and sensible (well, in comparison) with a hint of noble sophistication.

B) Helen Keller. Seriously, this was one interesting chick.

C) A manatee. If they can write for Family Guy, they can host a talk show. Although I suppose it would be filled with random cut-aways that are tangential to the topic of the show and that may get annoying after the 10th time in 5 minutes, but hey — people still watch Family Guy and don’t seem to notice the crippling annoyance of such storytelling. Surely this writing principle can be applied to daytime if it has survived prime time this long.

D) A ventriloquist’s doll from a 1920s Vaudeville act with a cabbage in place of the long-lost head, tattered clothes, and a creepy ability to still move its eyebrows.

E) Anyone else, no matter the species, on the fucking planet. Who hopefully won’t cause the downfall of the planet with his/her bullshit.

Seriously. What the fuck. I’m almost speechless. I mean really. I don’t even know what to say. Oprah’s done it again. And she’ll do it again…and again…[weeps]. I am both unsurprised and totally flabbergasted. It’s an odd feeling. Like sort of a chest tightness. Actually, I hope that they haven’t finally done me in with a heart attack…perhaps I should go get checked out by my reputable family doctor with years of experience an expertise in human health and medicine. But then I was fine after Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls gave me the same feeling… I’m sure it’ll pass.

And the practical problems! Not only will there be countless people repeating the mindless bullshit she will inevitably spew, but Orac will develop crippling finger injuries from all the blogging and facepalming.

If I thought it would help, I would beg Oprah to stop and give someone sensible a talk show contract for a change. Someone interesting and strong, yet rational. Maybe even a little fun. Pamela Gay, maybe. Or Phil Plait. Come on Oprah, work with me here!

Fuck this. NASA: We gotta get on this whole moon base thing. Seriously. I can’t get far enough away from the inevitable apocalypse this will cause.

Edit: OMFG… One of these days she’s going to run for office, isn’t she? Yuppy/McCarthy, 2016. That did it. The last lingering threads of my coronary arteries have shredded themselves into oblivion. To the hospital! Whee!


One response to “The end is nigh

  1. Any hope they won’t let the antivaccinationist have her own show? Might as well get a homeopath to give advice about cancer!!