Hey, remember that time I didn’t celebrate Christmas and the world didn’t end?

Another year another Christmas “season”. For the past 2 months, I have been enduring an absurd amount of Christmasness without the oft-promised “cheer” that is supposed to accompany the holiday. Of course if I’m not cheerful about Christmas there must be something wrong with me, right? I must be a joyless stick-in-the-mud with no sense of fun. Or maybe I’m just skeptical of the intentions of most people when it comes to religious holidays.

Christmas is a holiday like no other. It is more than a holiday; it’s more than a season; it’s a near-forced labour camp of shopping, candy, music…and for a lot of people no so much with the alleged “cheer” we’re all promised by those lame Christmas songs. Why should I be cheerful about the fact that I’m poor, that cutting down trees for decoration is wasteful, and that Christmas music sucks? So my lack of cheer makes me even more depressed because of all those people who go on that it’s not really a religious holiday and I should just enjoy being forced to spend my student loan money on stupid gifts that people don’t even like. Santa!

But let’s forget about all that. It’s Easter season. Sure the holiday isn’t for a few months, but it’s the season. Let’s all get ready with our candy and decorations. Break out the Easter music. Let’s Easter!

I mean it’s not like Easter is a religious holiday what with the Easter bunny, so it’s not like non-Christians are allowed to be mad if I shove Easter down their goddamn throats for 2 months. I mean, there’s the Easter Bunny! Totally not religious. Who cares if Jesus happens to have died and was allegedly resurrected during that time and that’s why it’s a holiday at all. Now we have the secular, placating Easter Bunny to make it okay for me to celebrate a Christian holiday. Because what’s better than celebrating a deity’s birth than solemnly celebrating his death with a giant bunny that lays eggs.

No matter how much you disguise something in gift wrap, these holidays amount to one of two things:
1) A religious holiday.
2) A religious holiday in the disguise of an empty excuse to eat candy.

Santa and the Easter Bunny are just two childish versions of “shit I can’t see that people tell me to believe in” for ages 0-8. They are a fun bribe to make celebrating Christian holidays okay for the rest of us. And, while they may be fun on the surface, the point remains that they are fundamentally religious. Easter gets the shaft on the “season” business but I chalk that down to people being too tired and poor after Christmas and the fact that ultimately it’s kind of a depressing holiday…that naturally lends itself to being secularly represented by a giant bunny. ?

I say we just forget the damn labels and smoke screens. Let’s have approximately one holiday every 2 months or so and people can do whatever melts their butter. If they are religious, then they can celebrate their religiousness. If they are not, they can enjoy the day off without having to put up with Easter Bunnies, Santas, and whatever other mythical creature to replace Jesus. Eat candy if you want to, it’s your day off to celebrate how you like and not shoe-horned into some “secularized” version of a religious something else.

But that will never happen. Because there’s too much money to be made from bullshit “holidays”. I mean, take Valentine’s Day. That’s not even a frigging holiday and look how much money we spend on it.

But fuck. Am I in a glass house here throwing stones? I spend money every month on Warcraft. I buy video games and movies on a regular basis. Who the hell am I to tell people what is right or not to do and what they should spend their money on? But I just can’t get away from that wrong feeling I get whenever one of those “no, seriously, it’s secular somehow so it’s ok” holidays rolls around. A part of me thinks it’s not ok. I have fun in my own way, not in the “approved secularized standard version” and I think other people, particularly those who get super stressed out at Christmas, should do the same. Just go with the flow. It’s a day off. Forget all the made up rituals that ruin it and just enjoy a day off!

And please, please do not come up with idea for Easter music in all that free time. Or I will find you. And it will not be pretty.

Holidays are supposed to be fun and relaxing, for people to celebrate whatever traditions they would like (for example, a gingerbread deathmatch). I say we take back the holidays! Who’s with me?


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