"Are You Planning Ahead?"

I’ve got a story.

So I’m walking down the street listening to Skeptoid and just as Brian is explaining to me about building 7 of World Trade Plaza allegedly being blown up on purpose, this man thrusts 2 small pamphlets at me. The one on top was entitled “Are You Planning Ahead?” and had a picture of a man looking at a calendar.

“Hmmm,” I thought. “I wonder if this is some sort of financial thing.”

I lightly brush it aside with my thumb to reveal the gem underneath entitled “The Evidence for Creation” with a scenic painting of water and fall-colored trees on the cover.

“Aaaaah-ha!” I thought, “and I thought he was going to help me with my student loans.”

How ironic that I should be listening to one of my most skeptic of podcasts as a man shoves religious propaganda into my unsuspecting grasp? Oh, the mysteries of life.

These particular pamphlets were produced by the local Mennonite church. I thought it would be fun to summarize these pamphlets so that everyone can have the benefit of my experience.

1. Are You Planning Ahead?
This pamphlet begins by giving us examples of how planning ahead worked well for some people. For example, squirrels preparing for winter, parents preparing a college fund, keeping ourselves healthy by planning meals, etc. They then liken this to planning ahead for the next world and when the poor, innocent wittle bitty Mennonite tried to explain this to the mean ogre-faced heretic on a plane one day, he wanted none of it! How sad! (The sad thing is a direct quote.)
Did you know that we have something more valuable than all of the gold and money in the world? We do, and it’s our soul. I guess our soul isn’t worth more than diamonds. I wonder what the soul’s worth is in salt? Good to know the hierarchy for future reference.
So we agree that it’s good to pan ahead for money and health, then why not your soul too? It lives forever after all. Do you want to be banished to Hell, away from God, for all eternity because you didn’t plan ahead? I didn’t think so….stupid.

  • Step 1: Plan to meet God in peace. We must repent and have our sins forgiven through Jesus (because that’s the only way possible).
  • Step 2: Plan to live for God. We can be taken to God or away from God [emphasis theirs] depending on who we “obey” – so let’s all obey Jesus!
  • Step 3: Plan to let God in your life. The only way to achieve this is through the Bible and the only way to do that properly is to go to church. I guess AA meetings don’t count.

See? It’s really easy to plan ahead. All you have to do is worship the God the Mennonites believe in (peacefully)…and believe Jesus is the only way to salvation…and studying the Bible…AND go to church. Happy souling!

They didn’t even capitalize the word “Earth”. Tsk, tsk. It’s a proper name, folks, show some respect.

Next time on “Pamphlet Goo: Electric Boogaloo”: The Evidence for Creation!

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