100 Quotes from Christians

My fiance found a website with various “Christian” quotes on it, taken from blogs etc, and I thought I’d comment on some of the more common ones. Note that I’m not making fun of Christianity as a religion (or any other religion – we can’t just pick on the Christians), I’m making fun of these individuals as idiots. All emphasis mine.

“One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn’t possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it.

I know it’s a wild suggestion, but just hear me out. Um, how about the sun, genius? Scientists have known about the existence of the sun for a while now. It ‘s kinda hard to miss as it conspicuously blazes light energy down upon us EVERY SINGLE DAY EVER.

Gravity: Doesn’t exist. If items of mass had any impact of others, then mountains should have people orbiting them. Or the space shuttle in space should have the astronauts orbiting it. Of course, that’s just the tip of the gravity myth. Think about it. Scientists want us to believe that the sun has a gravitation pull strong enough to keep a planet like neptune or pluto in orbit, but then it’s not strong enough to keep the moon in orbit? Why is that? What I believe is going on here is this: These objects in space have yet to receive mans touch, and thus have no sin to weigh them down. This isn’t the case for earth, where we see the impact of transfered sin to material objects. The more sin, the heavier something is.”

I’m going to go out on a limb and assume this is a joke, because if it isn’t I’m sad for humanity. According to this logic then, the sun also has no mass (because it has not been touched by man and thus has no sin). That’s adorable. I like how the proportional gravitation of a mountain is supposed to supersede the proportional gravitation of the enormous land mass (Earth) on which it is attached. Yes, that makes all kinds of sense. Strangely though, I hear this often enough to bother to comment on it, because gravity is not in the bible.

“Most afflictions like this are caused by sins committed while still inside the womb. If she can repent for what she does god will embrace her and make her as human as you or me but if she chooses not to she’ll always be like this.”

Yes, I agree. I’ve had it with those dirty, sick, twisted people and their heinous….wait, did you say while inside the womb? So like, fetuses are committing these sins? Wow, you people are frigging harsh. I think there’s such a thing as setting standards a little too high. Ok, not so common, but just bizarre enough to comment on.

There are a lot of things I have concluded to be wrong, without studying them in-depth. Evolution is one of them. The fact that I don’t know that much about it does not bother me in the least.”

Wow. That’s a very special kind of stupid. So you feel you are able to judge me because….?

“The only thing I don’t like about them is they sell foreign language versions of the KJB [King James Bible]. I don’t think that’s right. We know the only true translation is the 1600’s version in English. It’s too risky for anybody to translate that into other languages. Mistakes can creep in… and that can lead to heresy. True Christians should only read English.”

You are so right! It’s a good thing that Jesus, and all those other prophets, and the guys who wrote the books and everything happened to speak English 2000 years ago in the Middle East. We really lucked out there. Otherwise, we’d have had to translate all those texts and who knows what might have happened then! I mean, just think. People might have mistaken “young girl” for “virgin” or something and boy would our faces have been red!

“If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol

Lol! We have vaginas! We have no rights! Wheeeeee! So lucky to be alive!

“I often debate with evolutionists because I believe that they are narrow mindedly and dogmatically accepting evolution without questioning it. I don’t really care how God did what He did. I know He did it.”

“several million years for a monkey to turn into a man. oh wait thats right. monkeys dont live several million years.”

These are 2 separate quotes. A lot of the time when people are aghast that I accept evolution, I find that they know little to nothing about evolution and what they do know they’ve heard from other members of the church (not exactly a fountain of non-biased information). Then they have it drilled into them that people who accept evolution are just as dogmatic as they are. Regardless, is “you’re as bad as I am” really a good argument? “You suck and I suck, therefore I don’t suck and you still suck”? That sentence makes no sense because the argument also makes no sense.

“I honestly don’t care about your rights. If it were up to me, all Atheists would be burnt at the stake and or cast into a river with weights tied to their ankles and or placed before the firing squad, etc etc etc.”

And then maybe we can set some black people’s houses on fire, beat up some gay guys, and genitally mutilate some women! Just another Tuesday in Crazyville. Do people not see how this is racist (in the broad sense of the term)? That is NOT ok.

“How can anyone beleive we evolved from monkeys heres a few questions for people who beleive that
1.If we did evolve from monkeys then how come babies arent born monkeys
2.Even Darwin said his theories were wrong before he died so why do you still believe them
3.do you really not believe the bible it says we were created in seven days not millions of years
4.how come we cant speak monkey”

1. Because we did not evolve from monkeys, we evolved from apes. So, babies, obviously, are born apes. Just kidding. I better not leave that joke there alone without comment. Babies aren’t born apes because they are human babies born from human parents. Apes are ape babies born from ape parents. Common ancestor babies are born from common ancestor parents and are neither ape or human – they are both. Apes and people are 2 different species off of the same evolutionary branch millions of years ago.
2. Ah, the famous deathbed recantation. No evidence to support this. Darwin believed his theory. Regardless, even if he did say “everything I said is garbage” from the rooftops, that does not change the truth. 150 years of supporting evidence says that evolution happened. Deal with it.
3. Yes.
4. Because we are not monkeys, genius.

“I mean, …Atheists have no value whatsoever as human beings (they’re not even human, but only inhuman animals)…[more ranting about funerals]…Every time an Atheist dies, the world is better off as a result of that dead Atheist being dead, & its damned God-forsaken soul burning in the fiery pits of Hades. :) Which begs another related question, do Atheists cry at funerals? If so, why? Since Atheists hate God, and they hate Family, and they hate Country, who are they crying for? It is true: The only good Atheist is a dead Atheist.

Thanks for the smiley face, it really makes me feel much less threatened and in fear for my life. I hear this all the time, that I hate God. How can I hate something that I don’t think exists? This logic flies right over the head of these people, because why else would I “make myself believe” that he doesn’t exist? I must be mad at him for some reason, right? Nope. By the way, thanks for saying I’m less than human as if you’re better than me. Yeah, you’re waaaay better than me, Mr/Mrs Bigotface.

I won’t comment on any more of these, but go read some of the other comments that are on that page. Particularly one by someone named “Meg” who posted on her MySpace about how she was trying to save a Wiccan girl. It’s very disturbing, but too long to reproduce here.

In all seriousness (done with the snarky sarcasm for now), I don’t think that all Christians and other religious people are like this, but I HAVE experienced some of these comments directed towards me. Particularly the comments about evolution misconceptions. But what concerns me most are the comments about atheists and Wiccans, etc.

It is not ok to publicly state that an atheist (or anyone else) deserves to die, be tortured, or whatever else because of what they chose to, or not to, believe. It is not ok to publicly discriminate against and harass people because we have not accepted Jesus Christ as our personal lord and saviour. It is not ok to make us fear for our lives because our charities, centers, homes, schools, or other organizations might be bombed or lit on fire. It’s discrimination, it’s bigotry, and it’s wrong.

And I will make fun of them for it until my throat is sore.


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