A comment too offensive not to get it’s own post

Sometimes I get, um, interesting comments. Like this one. In a reply to my analysis of the book Beyond Belief, the chapter about Bigfoot etc, a reader left his explanation of the evolution of Bigfoot, American Indians, and Africans and how they are all supposedly connected.

Now, before I begin my in-depth “analysis” of this lengthy prose, I should note that it’s entirely possible that this is a Poe or some kind of spam, as I have found variations of this post on several different blogs (and more), all with the same attribution. But, because it’s more fun, I’ll assume it’s sincere. Onward…

The film that Roger Patterson and Bob Gimlin made in 1967 of Bigfoot was real. Here is what they filmed on October 20 1967.

Debatable. But ok, you tell me what’s on the tape…

Several thousand years ago there were thousands of slaves that ran off around the world and started their own countries. When these slaves ran off there was a large group of men and boys that took off and ended up in Africa. Some of them were giants as tall as 9 ft. or even taller. The giant named Goliath that David killed with his slingshot was 9 ft. tall.

Um, wait a sec I thought we were talking about the Patterson tape, which last time I watched it was not a vague documentary about slaves who “ran off”. Curiously, there are no links to provide evidence for these claims…

Some of these men and boys went exploring to Borneo and used ropes to catch female orangutans. They took them to South America and had sex with them and created the Indians. The men and boys that stayed in Africa used ropes to catch female gorillas and had sex with them and created the Africans. When scientists found the bones in Africa they thought we evolved naturally from a female chimpanzee.

Holy. Shit.

Ok, so if I’m all caught up, slave men (some 9 feet tall) escaped their cruel enslaved lives and – first priority – promptly rounded up a bunch of orangutans and gorillas to have sex with to make American Indians and Africans, respectively. And that’s why evolution is wrong.

But it wasn’t a natural evolution it was a man made evolution. That’s where all the Bigfoot and Orangutan creatures come from. They are half man and half gorilla and half man and half orangutan. They use to call the Indians the red man. The orangutan has reddish hair. When those men bred out the hair the Indian’s skin remained red.

Wait, I’m confused. So did freaky ape sex make brown/red people or Bigfoots? Or both? Nevermind that skin and hair are different cells and aren’t necessarily related in color (for example, people don’t necessarily have hair that matches their skin; a polar bear’s skin is black; etc), but where is the genetic evidence that slave people successfully procreated with apes to produce brown people and/or Bigfoots?

As opposed to, say, humans and apes evolving from a common ape-like ancestor, explaining why arm-chair internet “experts” can make unsupported evolutionary claims based on arbitrarily similar superficial (phenotypic) traits between species. But phenotype and genotype are two different things. Two things can look similar and still be different species.

There’s plenty of evidence for the common ancestor theory, much less for the intriguing, yet perhaps somewhat controversial, “modern man had sex with apes thousands of years ago, therefore brown people” hypothesis.

The gorilla has black hair and skin. When those men bred out the hair the African’s skin remained black. Some of the Indians and Africans are tall. And some of the Bigfoot and Orangutan creatures are tall. They are tall because some of the men that created them were tall. Some scientists believe that we evolved from a female chimpanzee.

Scientists that believe we evolved from a (singular) female chimpanzee need to do some reading, because modern humans and chimps evolved from a common ancestor species. Modern humans did not evolve from modern chimps, let alone a single modern chimp.

Have you ever seen an 8 ft. tall chimpanzee? I haven’t either. Bigfoot migrated up through Africa and came into the United States at the top of Africa when they were connected by land. The Orangutan creatures migrated up through Central America and came into the United States like the Indians did later on. The first Europeans that saw the Africans said that some of the African women had genitals that resembled that of a gorilla.

Hmm. Neither of us have seen something that isn’t a thing. [Dusts off hands.] Weeeellp, case closed. I’m not sure what to make of this non sequitur, as it doesn’t really make a point. Why are old Europeans experts on African genital phenotype, by the way?

The author keeps migrating between Orangutan “creatures” and “this what the Indians are”, equating Africans to gorillas, and inexplicably throwing chimps into the mix. So, other than an impression of complete and utter ignorance of evolution within a veritable orgasm of racist nonsense, I’m not sure what to take from this.

Curiously, Comment Jesus silent about which apes white people supposedly look like and cutely avoids whiteys getting funkay ape-style. Button up, Jesus, your bias is showing. I’m not a betting person, but if I were, I’d wager a lot that this commenter is as white as a fresh-fallen snow.

And waaaaaait now. Above it was “several thousand years ago” with the funky ape-man sex, but now apparently these migrations were happening when the continents were still connected? Comment Jesus needs to get his time line straightened out, because the continents haven’t been connected since the time of the dinosaurs. When the branches for humans and chimps separated from their common ancestor, North America and Africa were no longer connected. By the time we left Africa, they were even further apart. And if the claim is that race evolution and land shifts each occurred over the last few thousand years, I’d like to know why the ground under my feet isn’t presently hip-checking Asia.

If you look at the nose of an African you will notice that it is wide like the gorilla’s nose. The creature that Roger Patterson and Bob Gimlin filmed in 1967 was half man and half gorilla. It was a female Bigfoot that they named Patty. Patty was not a man in a costume, she is not our missing link and she is not a figment of our imagination. Patty was a creature that was created by men that had sex with female gorillas and orangutans a long time ago.

“If you look at the nose of an African you will notice that it is wide like the gorilla’s nose.” Take a second to absorb that sentence. I — I…

Alright, I’m confused again. So are black people the descendants of slaves/Gorillas or are they Bigfoot, who are also apparently “half man and half gorilla”. Is he saying that, at some point, a black person had sex with a gorilla and the offspring, resulting from a pairing peri-1967, was wondering around for Patterson to find? Or is this a member of a species descendant from the people descendant from mangorillas? I thought that’s where black people supposedly came from. But now apparently they’re where Bigfoot came from. Or are modern humans + gorillas the common ancestors to both modern Bigfoots and black people?

None of this makes even a little bit of sense.

Believe it or not, man created his own evolution. If we all came from Adam and Eve there would no creatures like Bigfoot out there. We would all look human. And if we all came from evolution everyone would be evolved out. The reason Bigfoot and the Orangutan creatures are there is because they were created by men. And what ever they create will always look like them. No matter how much time goes by.

Evolved out? What does that even mean?

No, I don’t believe any of this, despite it’s tone of complete and utter certainty. Because I haven’t been provided any evidence whatsoever or even a coherent argument. On the other hand, the evidence I do have shows that human and ape evolution took millions of years, not thousands. Human evolution, like many other animals, resulted in a variation in expressed phenotype (i.e., race), but humans are not meaningfully different on the genetic level — certainly not different enough to indicate various ape sex. The only indication that we mated with any other beings is genetic evidence (there’s that word again) linking out-of-Africa ancestors to the Neandertals.

If you don’t believe that humans and primates can reproduce hybrids, then watch this video.

Really? A 9-second video of … something … is not evidence that humans and primates can produce hybrids. There is zero evidence that people got it on with apes to produce brown/black people who then got it on with apes to produce Bigfoot (or whatever the hell that mess was about).

But this is all irrelevant, because none of what Comment Jesus said is required to be true for Bigfoot to be real. All that’s necessary is a branch of apes that hasn’t been yet discovered. The problems lie in the details: How do they have such a large range and yet sightings are relatively limited? Why would social animals be so secretive (i.e., are they intelligent? are they so intelligent that they can hide evidence from us?), etc.

These wild assumptions, supported only by conjecture and a complete lack of evidence, have not convinced me of anything. Though, sadly, it serves as a reminder that there is apparently still a lot of overly-elaborate racism out there.

5 responses to “A comment too offensive not to get it’s own post

  1. Batshit Insanity is just about right. This has GOT to be a poe. And even in the unlikely event that it isn’t perhaps you spent a little too much time and effort refuting such nonsense. Though you did an excellent job of it.

    Tales of Bigfoot or Nessie or what have you have been around for a long time and really only need one argument to put them to sleep: Unless these are immortal creatures (and I’ve heard no one claim that) they could not have existed this long without a breeding population.
    That means more than a just a handful. There would have to be (at my best guess) hundreds if not thousands of Bigfoots (Bigfeet?) or Nessies in order to sustain a population for the length of time of reported “sightings”.

    If there truly is a big enough breeding population they simply wouldn’t be that hard to find and proof would be at hand.

    BTW, welcome back to posting…you were missed.

    • Kimbo Jones

      “perhaps you spent a little too much time and effort refuting such nonsense” Secretly, I hope he finds this and comments again.

      Yes, so many problems with the Bigfoot idea — Being that big, what are they eating? What is their life cycle? Etc. So many more reasonable kinks there to work out before evoking human/modern ape funky time.

      “BTW, welcome back to posting…you were missed.” Thank you!

  2. EnlightningLinZ

    LOL! I got an email from the same person! It talked about the Bigfoot crap, but also all this stuff about the origins of humans and incest…ex:

    “If Adam came from the dust and Eve came from the dust there would be no incest between them. And what ever they created would have been a true son and daughter. Or a true brother and sister. When the true brother and sister had sex to keep the population going that would have been incest.
    They would have created closer flesh. Because the flesh was closer than they were to begin with. So the first way would have been incest and closer flesh. If Adam came from the dust and Eve came from the dust and they had true sons and daughters and Adam had sex with his daughters and Eve had sex with her sons to keep the population going, that would have been worse than incest and closer than closer flesh.”

    Yikes!!

    • Kimbo Jones

      That is…..epic. It’s so odd. He speaks as though these were real people, but then seems to dismiss this account (unless he’s just pro incest). Did he ever explain then where he thinks humans come from?

  3. EnlightningLinZ

    He basically believes what’s in the Bible when it comes to that:

    “God created the heavens, earth and the animals. God created a garden of eden from which he created man from the dust. And he called this man Adam. After a while God saw that Adam was lonely so he caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam. God opened Adam’s side and took one of his ribs and created a woman. God created Adam and Eve without the knowledge or power to have sex and create.”